SECRETS I WROTE DOWN, 2017 EDITION: Djinns, Golems, Astronauts, Casanova’s Hollow Earth Residents, and Annabelle Lenore Virginia Lee.

It’s the end of the year, and the time I traditionally make a heap of things I’ve published in the past 12 months.  I thought I hadn’t been terribly epic on the publishing front in 2017. I felt, in fact, as though I’d published almost nothing.

Then I went in to round it up, and found…

Okay, so I published five stories, which equal out to 35,000 words of short fiction in 2017. Welcome to my brain. It’s always too full, and apparently it also believes that it isn’t ever really working enough.

First, though, what I DID in 2017 – which doesn’t mean it’s coming out this year. In fact, most of it is coming out next year. Scroll down if you’re looking for story links. Here I’m just talking about HOW EXCITED I AM ABOUT UPCOMING BOOKS!

The biggest writing project I did this year was actually an un-writing – I cut 60K from the second draft of my next novel – my first novel for adults since 2011!!! – and changed the book a great deal. I ended up with something much smaller than the second draft, and much stronger than the first draft. Sometimes you have to write large to get sleek again.

So, I have a lot of things coming out in 2018, but most of all, at long last, THE MERE WIFE, my adaptation of Beowulf, comes out JULY 17 from the killer new imprint MCD Books at Farrar, Straus & Giroux!  You can pre-order it now, and I’d love it dearly if you would!  I’d love it especially if you’d go into your favorite indie bookstore and tell them about it. You can pre-order there too!

This is not the cover. This is the MCD Books logo. There IS a cover, though. and it is amazing. I’m dying to show you. Soon.


Guys. I’m so damn excited about this book. This is the one I started writing on a mountaintop in Italy in 2015, at a writer’s colony I’d barely managed to get myself to. I was both broke and broken when I arrived, having just emerged from the roughest couple years of my life. Marital meltdown, followed by new relationship meltdown, followed by health crisis, followed by sudden death of best friend, followed by…bedbugs. Seriously.  By the time I got to Italy, I was tear-drenched and panic ridden, but also ready to write this book about monsters that I’d been chewing on inside my head for about ten years.

I wrote the first draft in two and a half weeks. My agent sold it at auction to FSG about two weeks later. That never happens, but it did.

Then…well, fast forward two (slow) years.  This has been a process of changing and shifting like you wouldn’t believe, but man, it was worth it. The book that’s coming out is the book I meant to write, from the first moment I had the idea. It’s Beowulf meets Revolutionary Road – as in, Beowulf in suburbia. The book is from many different POVs,  but mostly from the perspective of two characters based on Grendel’s mother and Hrothgar’s wife, as in, the “monster” and the hostess.

Grendel’s mother, Dana, is a veteran of an unjust war, hidden in a cave on a mountain, around which a gated community, Herot Hall, has been built. Hrothgar’s wife, Willa, is the queen of those suburbs. Both of them have vulnerable sons. Both of them are full of fury. There’s a chorus of suburban matriarchs. There’s a pack of police dogs. There’s a dragon of sorts. There’s a police officer named Ben Woolf.

Needless to say, I believe that monsterhood is in the eye of the beholder, and that’s what the book is about. It’s a very feminist, very fiery take on myths of both monsterhood and masculinity.

Here’s that pre-order link again.

Or here, for convenience, direct links to pre-order THE MERE WIFE at: Books-a-Million, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, Powells.

So, back to things I published in 2017:


Not all of it is available online – some came out in print only books, or is only just coming out into the world – but some of it is, and if you’re looking to nominate stories for awards and need copies of anything, let me know and I can get you a PDF if something’s not available.

But here we go! Thanks for reading this long post!

Starting with the NOVELETTES.

I published two in 2017!




10, 016 words

December 31, 2017

Commissioned for THE WEIGHT OF WORDS, edited by Dave McKean and William Schafer for Subterranean Press. This is my favorite thing I wrote this year – though it took me nearly three years to write. The first draft was written in 2014, after I received a golem as a birthday gift from China Mieville – or rather, two paragraphs about an 11th century female golem made of wood and hinges. I credit the giver, because he could easily have hoarded this golem for himself. Instead, I got to turn her into this story, which is full of the history of Andalusia, golem lore, and large quantities of fury about being mistaken for a creation of someone other than oneself. I fiddled with the story for awhile, but I couldn’t get it right.

Then, in 2015, I got an email inviting me to an anthology based around art by Dave McKean, and I picked a beautiful piece involving a woman, a violin, and a tree. The art gave me the missing pieces of the story – until I had it, I didn’t understand that this was a story about recovering one’s voice.  Hardcopy only.

The golem isn’t alive, and then she is. 

The first loneliness is the loneliness of birth. The golem opens her eyelid hinges, delicate doe leather. Her eyes are cold and dry, but she can see the man she’s been created to serve, standing over her.

“You,” he says. “You.”

The golem has pale yellow-brown skin, smoothly sanded. Her hair is made of creamy white flowers with canary streaks, and there are shining green leaves throughout it. She smells of biting honey. She’s small and slender, her waist narrow. No taller than he is. Her arms show the tracks of the tools that made her. There’s a gouge between her breasts where there was a knot in the orange tree’s trunk.

The poet has hammered one of the secret names of God into her palate, and this is what has brought her to life. She tries to speak but she has no tongue. There is a pain, a stabbing where the silver tablet is. She can’t tell what it is, only that it hurts.

It stretches inside of her body, a tentacled name. There is a loneliness in this too, the two-hundred-sixty-seventh, the loneliness of the only name one can speak being unspeakable.



Published in Uncanny Magazine, Issue 14

11,567 words

January/February 2017

A re-imagining of events in the life of Edgar Allan Poe, specifically the session that resulted in the “Ultima Thule” daguerreotype. More importantly, though, this is a story about Poe’s women, and an exploration of the way they converged into one. Also, there’s a major monster. Commissioned by editors Michael Damian Thomas, Lynne M. Thomas, and Michi Trota for Uncanny Magazine. Read the story above, and an interview about the story here.

There are certain stories, any reader knows, that recur in towns boundaried by water. A captain’s wife stares into a gale, and suddenly her husband’s face appears in that green–gray miasma, a vision of his wrack and ruin. Ghostly sailors struggle from the waves, only to fall back again. Ships are found adrift, crews missing. Messages in bottles are discovered ten years after their sender’s drowning, inscribed with predictions of futures unlived. 

I need not remind the reader, gentle or no, that these tales are fictions made of desire, that the act of missing a beloved may conjure miracles. For myself, I never held with such. I held with hope, and so I came to Providence for a worldly version of Salvation, in the year eighteen hundred and forty–eight, carrying an umbrella and wearing a long dress, my hem draggling in the mud. 

No one turned head to look at me when I emerged from my carriage. I was no longer a girl, but a woman of nearly thirty–five. I’d had money, and then I had none, or at least none in hand. A cutpurse I never saw, and that was gone, though in the hem of my skirt I’d sewn enough to carry me. I was no innocent. By all accounts I was a lost cause and a fallen woman.

Short Stories:

I published three in 2017!



The Boston Review

4499 words

October, 2017

This story was commissioned for the Boston Review’s Global Dystopias issue, guest-edited by Junot Diaz and edited by Deborah Chasman. It’s a hollow earth/hollow skull story about Casanova, his Utopian novel Icosameron, colonialism, and sexual tourism to imaginary – and thus not off-limits – places, among other things. Hardcopy or ebook only.

What explorer has not longed to bring his guns to an undiscovered country, so that he might casually become king? In your bathtub, you crowned yourself, and looked at me, and raised your scepter. This was nothing new. I’d seen your kind before.

In the other version of your stories, the part you weren’t writing down, you put my sister in a sack. I leapt in with her. We were kept in the darkness, thrown over your shoulder, smuggled out of paradise and into hell. We traveled, whispering to the surface, and when we arrived in your city, you opened the sack and smiled, because you’d brought us to a better place. Or, perhaps, you had made your own place better by taking us from ours.

In the version you wrote, my sister and I were one person, constituted entirely of love. We opened our shirt to feed you from our breasts, though we were ourselves starving. We were awed at the sight of your sun, dazzled at the wonder of your world. You grieved when you thought we might die, though this would make your own journey less complicated. You’d been thinking of where to put us: a zoo, a museum?



The Djinn Falls In Love & Other Stories

7499 words

March, 2017

This was written for the djinn-themed anthology THE DJINN FALLS IN LOVE, edited by Mahvesh Murad and Jared Shurin. It’s a story set mostly in the American west, and it involves an old black powder rifle which has bullets that contain captive djinn. There’s a djinn Huntress, a Kid on a bad mission…basically it’s a djinn story by way of Cormac McCarthy. There’s also a heroic gay couple: a pawn shop owner and a priest. It’s my reimagining of what a trapped girl polishing magical lamps might do if left to her own devices, and the repercussions of same. Hardcopy or ebook only.

The smoke was dense and final, a black cloud in his eyes and lungs underlining each cell, a fog like a forest fire.  It took a moment to clear, but by the time it did, Yoth already knew what he’d done.

He’d put a bullet in the heart of the thin man in the white shirt, string tie, and black suit, a bullet from a singing rifle pawned over by a hunter. On his back on the floor lay the love of one man’s life, his heart something unclaimable by ticket.

Out of the bullet casing came the singer Yoth had been listening to for twenty years, smoke like a roomful of pipes, and in the center of it—

Yoth fell on his knees as something, someone, expanded from out of the wound in the chest of Weran Root, toes still in the place where the bullet had entered, fingers stretching long and gleaming, body undulating up.

“Are you the devil?” Yoth Begail whispered. “Am I the devil? 

He was weeping, his hands full of bent wedding rings and crushed cash from the box, things to bribe back his beloved from the land of the dead.

You get one wish, the smoke said.

 And so Yoth wished. 



1158 words

March, 2017

This little story was written for Tor’s Nevertheless She Persistedproject, and edited by Liz Gorinsky. The assignment was flash fiction on the above theme, and I’d been thinking for a while about writing about a certain under-known pioneer of American space travel, Miss Baker.  The project, published on International Women’s Day, also included Alyssa Wong, Kameron Hurley, Carrie Vaughn, Seanan McGuire, Charlie Jane Anders, Nisi Shawl, Brooke Bolander, Jo Walton, Amal El-Mohtar, and Catherynne M. Valente.​ Read the story above.

Miss Baker remembered her first sight of destiny. She’d seen a shuttle go up, from a window facing the Cape. She’d stood at that window, staring, as something small and bright broke the rules of the known world, and from then on she’d been certain.


Now she was that bright thing.





My dear ones Gene Sxip Shirey & Coco Karol got married this weekend in the woods. I was a groomsmaid, a very lucky wedding cake decorator with my friend and frequent Oven Coven collaborator, Erin Orr, baker and artist extraordinaire. She made a cake out of hand milled hazelnut flour, pomegranate curd, and white chocolate buttercream, which we decorated with honeycomb, fig, and pomegranates.

We walked the woods and into a gorgeous woodland amphitheater, and the wedding itself was accompanied by music so beautiful I was crying throughout just from damn glory.

Sxip and Coco also invited me to read in the ceremony, which was a huge honor, particularly as they trusted me enough that they allowed me to not show it to them beforehand.

How lucky am I to get to give my love in public at their wedding? Very lucky.

Here are two visual aids to explain the poem I read. I wrote it in a frenzy on the morning of the wedding, between cake decorating and dress and marching through the trees to hear a brass band play. 22813989_10214629500796770_11267889509768634_n

And here is a link to Sxip playing bowls with marbles, which is one of the first things I heard him do. Go watch!


For Sxip & Coco on their Wedding Day

My friend plays music by dropping marbles into glass mixing bowls. The glass bowls aren’t glass but Pyrex, which can withstand heat, ice, snow, death, fury, confusion, guitars, white suits, absentmindedness, ferocity, broken down vans, Australia, circuses, fancy shoes, bullhorns, heartbreak, loss, sorrow, lust, love, and perpetual touring.

The bowls are, in theory, perfect.

My friend rolls marbles around in his collection of bowls, until they sing.

The bowls move around New York City and Europe and Ohio and Australia, in closets and kitchens and sacks.

My friend leaves bowls wherever he might need to play a song, and that is everywhere.

There are hundreds of singing bowls, and in theory they can be destroyed by nothing, including the apocalypse.

This is a lie.

One by one the unbreakable bowls break, until there are no old bowls left that can play the proper tune.

Every few months, for seven years, my friend calls me and asks me forlornly if I have any of the old bowls left, if somehow in the bottom of my closet the right song might be hiding.

Did I leave any unbreakable bowls with you? My friend asks.

No, I say. They all broke.

He hunts the perfect bowls across the internet and kitchen supply stores. He wants something that looks like it will shatter, but is stronger than glass, something that sings a tone that is sweet, but could also cut you.

He wants, in my opinion, something from both the ancient world and the future, something that seemingly doesn’t exist.

One day he calls me up and says he might have met –

He doesn’t say old-fashioned Pyrex. He says he’s met a woman who climbs up his back and stands on his shoulders, who dances around his edges and makes them into new shapes. And my friend, I notice, is singing in a tone I’ve heard before.

My friend, I notice, just met the marble that makes him sing.

She runs a circle around him, and up the side of his soul.

She turns my friend into an open tone, a singing note that echoes out into the rest of his life and expands, and comes out of the phone when he speaks her name.

She is bright and quick and made of hard stone, the kind of hard stone which, when cracked open, is a gem. She can withstand heat, ice, snow, pain, bruises, flight, fire, dancing on hot coals, splinters, high heels, white dresses, honeycombs, tangles, braids, clowns, love, fear, travels at lightspeed, shooting stars, rocket launches, learning how to trust, roaming, romancing, dancing on the toes of strangers, lust, love, and perpetual learning.

They are, together, the kind of glass you can dance on, the kind of note you can grab onto and fly. They make the kind of music most people never get to play, the kind of song most people never get to sing.

My friends play music by dropping their hearts into each other’s unbreakable mixing souls.


Just A Little Analysis of how 80’s Pop Culture Icons Have Made A Mess of Things

I was talking this morning about Billy Joel, and how his toxic masculinity narratives got sold as love ballads (if you don’t believe me, go visit the video for Uptown Girl which somehow manages to be a rip off of the Thriller video but with entitled white men as the zombies) (or the lyrics of Just The Way You Are which can basically be translated as “who else would love this monster, but I do, because I’m super enlightened, though baby, don’t talk, no, no clever conversation, just listen to me”) (or how about She’s Always A Woman To Me, in which said woman ruins your life with her casual lies and her desire for free gifts.) Discussion culminated in a legitimate speculation on just how much the songs of Billy Joel shaped a generation’s views of relationships, entitlement, and hierarchy, and thus… our current political climate.

This led to a random consideration of other bits of 80’s pop culture that shaped this moment in American political life.

It’s time for a slightly goofy but also weirdly relevant discourse on the late 80’s icon, Spuds MacKenzie.

Stay with me.


Spuds MacKenzie was the symbol of Budweiser in the late 80’s, if you don’t know – a bull terrier who was never referred to as a dog, but as a “fabulously wealthy executive” who traveled with a posse of models called the Spudettes.


Budweiser rented limos and hotel rooms, and Spuds often wore a tux. The narrative of masculine privilege was a huge part of this – and it was combined with the idea that YOU could *also* drink a beer with Spuds and his sexy ladies. Spuds was not only powerful, he was a little bit dumb, but jolly, very relatable, and most of all, Successful. Spuds could party. If you hung out with Spuds, you’d probably get laid.


Here’s where I get large with this situation.


The brand of Spuds Mackenzie was almost identical to the similarly timed development of the brand of our current President.

Part of the joke of Spuds MacKenzie, of course was that he was clearly a dog. This paragon of privilege was non-sentient and worshipped by women anyway. The women in the above photo were billed as his conquests.

All this is to say: American society is incredibly weird. Budweiser managed to convince America that the highest status position for an American man was to be a hyper-masculine-branded dog.

No, really, look at this video. It’s surreal. It’s worse even than I remember.


When Spuds Mackenzie was outed as a female dog named Honey Tree Evil Eye (surely the most glorious name for a female dog who had represented all of American Goal Masculinity for 18 months at that point) it was a national scandal. People magazine actually printed the address of Honey Tree Evil Eye’s owners.

To be in a position of peak symbolic masculinity and actually be a female dog was something that caused a nationwide betrayed freakout.

All this, of course, has bearing on our current national toxic situation regarding trans* rights, and the way that the patriarchy depends increasingly on a rigid assessment of who is male and who is not, who is female and who is not – the binaries support the hierarchy and keep straight white cisgendered men in power. The notion of gender fluidity, and especially of accepted gender fluidity causes a panic in the power structure, given that it depends on rigidity.

It also has bearing on the way narratives of power are sold. Look at the man in the tuxedo here.


Why does he have power? Because he has shaped his own narrative into one very like the one Budweiser created for Spuds MacKenzie. A little dumb, but fun to party with. Successful. Surrounded by hot women. If you hang with him, you might get some success too. Money. Women. Limos. Hotels. A place on the National Security Council. A capacity to play with big bombs.

If you watched the Super Bowl this year, you might have seen Spuds MacKenzie in ghost dog format.  Thirty years after the debut of the most successful dog in America, the  commercial generally bewildered anyone who wasn’t around in the 80’s, but it was relevant. The ghost dog isn’t a ghost. The ghost dog is still with us. It’s reasonable that Budweiser saw fit to bring that thing around again in this moment. We have a Very Successful Man making the rounds.

In this case, sadly, the man in question is not secretly a woman named Honey Tree Evil Eye. (Oh, it would be glorious, but no.)

He is, however, a dog in a man suit.

He does not represent leadership. His suit and tie and entourage, his “money” and “success” signify power only to a society that has been brainwashed so hard by patriarchal structure that it was possible for us to see a bull terrier in a tuxedo as the man all men wanted to be, and to miss the fact that Spuds MacKenzie was a joke, not a goal.



Greetings from December, and a very snarly world full of work and wrath. It’s been a year of it, and there are more to come. Still, the writing continues, and if it didn’t, I’d be less useful in any fight. I’ve been working on all kinds of things – from a queer superhero/supervillain young adult novel for HarperCollins, to a bunch of stories for 2017, including one about daguerreotypes and Edgar Allan Poe’s soul.

But in 2016, I published lots of things of various kinds! A novel, a couple novelettes, 3 short stories. (I think I got them all. But I’m not sure!! I hope so. Hmm. )

This is a things-I-published post, for awards-eligibility reasons, or just for your reading pleasure. I



October 2016, YA Fantasy Novel, HarperCollins.


The stunning sequel to Maria Dahvana Headley’s critically acclaimed Magonia tells the story of one girl who must make an impossible choice between two families, two homes—and two versions of herself.
Aza Ray is back on earth. Her boyfriend, Jason, is overjoyed. Her family is healed. She’s living a normal life, or as normal as it can be if you’ve spent the past year dying, waking up on a sky ship, and discovering that your song can change the world.
As in, not normal. Part of Aza still yearns for the clouds, no matter how much she loves the people on the ground.
When Jason’s paranoia over Aza’s safety causes him to make a terrible mistake, Aza finds herself a fugitive in Magonia, tasked with opposing her radical, bloodthirsty, recently escaped mother, Zal Quel, and her singing partner, Dai. She must travel to the edge of the world in search of a legendary weapon, the Flock, in a journey through fire and identity that will transform her forever.



Uncanny Magazine, January/February 2016, 8694 Words


This one’s a riff on the Musicians of Bremen, sort of mashed together with my feelings about war zones, fascism, Bulgakov and Bruno Schulz. It’s crazy and dark, and sexy, and if you like fairy tales, you might like this one. It has a giant talking cat in it, as well as an accordion player.

The Pet was one life into nine when I met him, more as we went along. Somewhere along the line he’d begun to believe himself to be some kind of embodiment of the real deal, and now he felt impervious to danger.

“Where are we going?” I asked the Pet.

“Brementown,” he said. “Bremen’s where we’re always going, until there’s no Bremen to go to. If we ever get to Bremen, you’ll know we’ve touched the end of things.”

I didn’t know where Bremen was, but it seemed as good a destination as any. I wanted something other than death. I wanted life and a wife. I wanted to play music in rooms with fireplaces. I didn’t want to be killed at Christmas.

I followed the white cat in his stolen green, and we made our way down the road.

The first time I resurrected was a few months later. I died for a while, then concluded I hadn’t died, and thought I must not have been shot at all. When I looked beneath my vest I found a bullet wound, and inside it a bullet, still hot from the gun. The police had found me with a lot of money from one of the taverns we’d just left, and decided I should be dead. I wasn’t.

Soon thereafter, the wound was gone, and I wasn’t bleeding from anything. I wiped the blood away and looked at the new pink skin. The Pet, whose fault the whole thing was, green–gazed at me, shrugged, threw back another drink, and ordered a platter of sausages.

“Eight lives left, fuckface,” he said, as I touched my own chest in bewilderment and awe. “Now you’re part of my band.”

co-written with China Miéville
March, 2016/ 7739 words

The Dead Letters anthology (edited by Conrad Williams) involves a piece of purportedly lost mail being sent to each contributor. China and I decided to merge our mail, and make a modern-day Arthurian myth about the problematic adventures of Merlin and Nimue, the London Crossrail, and stoats. Comment here if you need me to email you this story. It’s not online.

I chant a single powerful word, and my body shrinks. I wriggle up from a heap of jacket and trousers, flipping myself through the cloth. I rather can’t breathe, and my skin hurts, and my eyes are bulging, to my alarm. I look out from my man clothes, and discover Adam staring at me, his stoat teeth bared.

‘Fishie?’ croons Adam, with savage longing.

I can feel my scales. Errors! I shout another word, before he leaps. Panic subsides: I’m ermined.




Children of Lovecraft Anth, September, 2016, 6085 Words

Edited by Ellen Datlow. This  horror story is a riff on Garcia Lorca’s House of Bernarda Alba, except that it also contains a tentacled monster. Comment here if you need me to email you this story for awards consideration – it’s not online.


Bernardine, the newly widowed mistress of the house, wafted over the polished floors, vibrating with triumph.  Oh, she was delighted. The servants knew it. Everyone knew it.

No marriage of forty-three years was without its revulsions, but particularly not a marriage in which one party had sold a piece of the other without the other’s permission. Sharing a house with a man whose heart you’ve fed to a monster was nothing nice.

It was only a small ritual, the theft of the heart, taken one night with a sharp knife and a spell made of wax and twine, the heart wrapped in cotton and bundled into a copper pot, boiled with saffron and delivered to Mr. Doornail. Unfortunately, the old man roused partway through it and in half sleep, bespelled and bemused, he told Bernardine that he’d never forgive her, and that this was the end of their marital conversation.

Those were the last words she heard him speak, but he stayed alive out of perversity.


What the #@&% Is That?, October 2016, 6810 words


This story is from the What the #@&% Is That, anth, edited by Douglas Cohen and John Joseph Adams – concurrent with Nightmare Magazine.  It’s a tale of teenage girls who survive a cult suicide, and it’s weird and funny, no matter how that sounds to you. There are dinosaurs in it too.

I was fourteen and at a sleepover when the cult drank poison. The sleepover mom turned on the TV and said “Oh my lord, Mary, would you look at this? It’s the feds is what, and a bomb, right out there where you come from.”

But it wasn’t the feds, and it wasn’t a bomb. It was us. We were destined to die. I watched it burn, and listened to the news call us a cult, which was not what we called ourselves. We called ourselves Heaven’s Avengers. I watched it for a while, and then I threw up hamburger casserole.


Lightspeed Magazine, September 2016/ 4995 words


A sort of Bradbury + le Guin + Denis Johnson story about a circus, a woman on the run, and a cat named Susurrus.

No one on Earth wants to know the unknowable anymore. There are plenty of things to know already. The world is too full and brains can only hold so much. Headlines flash across foreheads. Sometimes the guilt of information is too much to bear, and people hide inside their houses, burrowing under the covers, trying not to listen to the news. Whole countries are dying out there. The sky is falling. Some of the birds have stopped singing, and no one knows whether that’s been true for years, or has only just happened. There is too much noise, and it’s hard to tell who hasn’t been heard from in a while.

HIS POTENTIAL, HER EVERYTHING: A post about the Stanford Swimmer & His Victim


This link is, in its entirety, the letter written by the woman raped behind a dumpster by a Stanford swimmer. He was found guilty of 3 felonies, and sentenced to only 6 months in a county jail because of…SAY IT WITH ME: PRIVILEGE AND RAPE CULTURE. The whole thing is maddening. And if you read this, you’ll be mad.

I read the whole thing and cried with fury and recognition the entire time. She read it in court, to him, and it made me feel better to imagine these words spoken aloud with him in the room, but not enough better. Nothing is right about this crime or about this failure of punishment. The letter is enraging, righteous, devastating, furious, and educational. The victim of this crime has written a damning, brilliant statement that should be required reading in orientation week at college, and should also impact sentencing for rape, which is notoriously pitiful.

I remember thinking when I was young that there were ways one could avoid being assaulted, things one could do to keep from being seen as prey. I didn’t think this because I was an idiot: I thought this because society has long insisted that rape is the victim’s fault. I thought, back then, that it was entirely my fault that I was frequently – FREQUENTLY, as in more than once a week – groped, grabbed, and shown things I didn’t want to see. My teens and twenties were full of assaults and terrors of varying kinds, from exposures – once a man stalked me up a hill and lay naked and erect across the sidewalk in Boise, jerking off as I, panicked, stepped over him. I had not known he was behind me, nor had I known he was about to hop out of the bushes. I was only walking home. In NYC, in my early 20’s, men crept behind me, leapt out of doorways, told me they could climb in my windows, broke into my apartment and watched me sleep, grabbed me from behind in the dark, jerked off on my clothing in broad daylight on crowded subways, shoved their hands down my pants in the same situations, and regularly told me that no one would save me if I needed help, because I was not pretty enough to be believed (who would rape you?) /so pretty I had made them lose control (it’s not rape if you’re sexy, you wanted it).


It has nothing to do with pretty, of course. It has to do with power.


Thus none of their actions were their responsibility, but mine. They couldn’t help it.
In the last few years in this city – I came back here because I dearly love New York, for all the things about it that are glory, and I figured I could deal with the things that aren’t – they are everywhere – I’ve been shoved by a man on a dancefloor for being “too sexy” and thus looked at by other men, driven places I didn’t want to be driven, stalked by men I didn’t know, who took pains to let me know they knew which window was my bedroom, and they could climb my fire escape from the street if they felt like it, anytime. I’ve been followed for blocks by men who then stood outside my apartment for 12 hours, waiting for night. I’ve gone to police to report these things and been hit on in police stations and told that all this was just because I drove the boys crazy. For a year or so, because I was very sad, I was especially attractive to predators, and finally, I was so exhausted and scared that I moved apartments. The whole time, people told me I had done this to myself by being a friendly person in the world, by smiling at other people and saying good morning, by wearing lipstick and having long hair, by being a woman. By being a vibrant person with a lot of energy, by having big eyes, by being 5’3″, by working in coffeeshops, by laughing in public, by being outspoken.

Everything. Every reason.


Just before I went to college, I was assaulted by a man I knew very well, as he was a member of my extended family, with language similar to the language used throughout this letter, by people excusing the rapist.

“It’s not my fault. You’re doing this to me.”

I was sleeping. He had previously attempted to seduce and have sex with me, and denied, he crept over to my bedside and jerked off across my face while I slept.
I did not report this. Perhaps because of exactly what the woman in this article details. Imagine what would have happened in my life had I reported myself assaulted by a very intelligent, powerful, privileged man? I was 18 and about to go to college. I had no money, no resources, and he did. I was terrified that I would lose not only my reputation, but the part of my family he was married into (I did – he accused me of trying to seduce him.) I must have been asking for it. In fact, I probably tried to seduce him because I wanted to share in his privilege by using my body as a barter. I was trying to buy power from him. See how this works? Surely this was not his choice, and surely it was not his fault. It was entirely my doing. I was young and nubile and near. Surely I wanted to open my eyes and see him above me. Who wouldn’t?


In fact, though it was horrible, I didn’t even see it as assault at that time, but as a normal and horrific part of every woman’s life. Awful surprises, and then one recovers. Now, of course, I feel differently. Not only did this man (and the rape culture he was a mascot and typical representative of) destroy for years my ability to trust even (or perhaps especially) men I loved, he also made me feel uncertain as to my capacity to live in the world at all. How could I stay safe, if had been born prey? If I might, at any moment, be shoved up against a wall and blamed for the bruises? If at any time a man could claim that he had raped or even killed me because I was a sex witch of some kind, a thief of male agency?
This has got to change. Everything about it. Everything about a society that says the rapist is not at fault. (The series of questions directed at the victim here is particularly profound and particularly typical.) EverythingHI about a society that says unconsciousness is consent. Everything about a society that ranks a rapist’s potential achievements over his victim’s…everything.


This system is broken. Voices like this woman’s are brave, fierce, and working at fixing it. Let us all help her.


Just posting this so they’re all in one place, in case you want to read, nominate anything for awards, shriek with fear because some of the stories are scary, laugh because some are funny…That kind of thing!

It was a good writing year. I published 7 short stories, a bonus flash story just for fun, and a novel. I finally got to the dream version, which is publishing both books for adults and for teenagers. I like to have a career where I get to do lots of things, and this year brought it. (I sold a new book to FSG this year, and it’s an adult novel, and I got to write YA at the same time. What a pleasure!)



My young adult debut came out from HarperCollins in May 2015. It’s a fantasy about sickness, death, love, and skyships. It comes from some medieval folklore but mostly I made it up, grabbing things from sky lore from all over the place, and also inventing a bunch. Aza Ray, the protagonist, is 16 years old and dying since she remembers…until one day she finds herself first dead, and then…very not dead, and on a skyship in her home country, Magonia. People have said many nice things about it, comparing it to Laini Taylor, Neil Gaiman, Hayao Miyazaki, among others.

It hit the New York Times-bestseller list, which is a spectacular glory! My first time on the list as an author. It was also one of Publishers Weekly’s Best Books of 2015, and it was on a bunch of other Best Books lists as well. The sequel to Magonia, AERIE, comes out in October 2016, and I’m very excited for that one too. I just finished up the last round of edits, and ARCS will soon be hitting the wild.



Most of the shorts I published this year can be read in about 20 minutes to half an hour. A good number of them have audio versions too, if you want someone to read them aloud to you. Overall, I was thinking a lot about American mythology this year, the idea of larger than life folkloric characters, and the way they’ve shaped American notions of ourselves as “good.” (Needless to say, I have notes.) I wrote a lot about war, a lot about small town legends. As ever, I genre-hopped like crazy. None of these are particularly categorizable as one thing or another.


The Thirteen Mercies

came out from F & SF magazine in their Nov/December issue. It’s a dark fantasy story about war crimes, the torture memos, and crocodiles, with a great deal of magic in it. It’s reminded a lot of people of Borges, which is what I was going for, so that makes me happy. It’s 5467 words. It’s not available online, but if you want to read it for awards purposes, comment here. You can also buy the whole issue, here.

Out in the jungle where it rains in perpetuity, there’s a woman who’s lived for seven hundred years.

We were informed on the first day of our deployment that she’d looped a spell around us like a corral and that we’d suffer here for our sins. This was the arrangement the military court had come to.

General Steng ordered us not to disrespect the directive, though he laughed himself, in his tent. We all heard him, and we laughed, too.

We felt encouraged, held in the gentle hands of our government, given a false punishment that’d look real to the public, a pseudo-imprisonment on a verdant island. We expected that the sun would rise a hundred times and then we’d be returned to the world. This was only a joke. An old woman. What could an old woman do to us? What could an old woman do to anything?

Some Gods of El Paso

came out from in November. It’s an imaginary history of a couple based on Bonnie & Clyde, who deal in blackmarket emotions in the 1920’s Gulf of Mexico. It’s fantasy, with quite a bit of dark, but it’s more lighthearted than some of the other things I published this year, because it’s a love story, and it’s quite stylized. It got a recommended from Locus. It’s 4198 words.  Read it here.

After that, everybody knew that Lorna and Vix came as a set. They got spotted at diner counters time to time, drinking coffee, tea, and lemonade, eating sandwiches just like regular folks, but Vix and Lorna weren’t regular.

It was a myth, as Lorna and Vix already knew, that everyone who sorrowed longed specifically and only for joy. Many people wanted darker medicine. Prohibition of alcohol had created a countrywide yearning for other forms of depressant—though no one referred to alcohol as such—and by the time Lorna and Vix met, ten years into Temperance, everything to do with high and low had become illegal. People were supposed to be living in the middle, but nobody liked the middle. New cures for pain were being distilled in basements and bathtubs.

Solder & Seam 

came out from Lightspeed in October. It’s science fiction, though you won’t know that for quite a bit of the story, as it’s mostly set on earth, even though it’s about space travel, aliens, and revolutionary warfare on another planet. It’s also about a man building a giant whale in the middle of a field in America. 4555 words. Read it here.

In a snowbound diner in Nevada he drank a cup of something hot. A waitress looked at his face and said, “How come I’m not going with you?”

“Don’t know,” he said, summoning the right language with only a little effort.

“I like that big fish you got,” she said. She was as old as he was, a wide mouth with a scar beside it. An arrow pointing toward her ear.

She ran a finger over the tattoos on his cheek, and started when she felt things beneath them moving.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“Everyone left,” he said, being honest. He was never honest.

She leaned back and looked at the pie case. “I guess I hear that,” she said. “My family’s all up there. My kids are with their dad. I don’t know what I’m doing except waiting to see what happens. You been up?”

“Yes,” he said.

“I figured,” she said and went back to filling ketchup. “You got the look of one of those.”

The Cellar Dweller

came out from Nightmare Magazine in June. It’s the only thing I published this year that I think might need a content warning, because it’s in part about child abuse, though it’s not terribly graphic. It’s mostly about grit and about friendships with good monsters. It’s a riff on the “most beautiful words in the English language” – cellar door. 4732 words.  Read it here.

The Banisher’s ten when she banishes a horde of tiny awful things from the basement of a neighbor. The things are nothing terrifying to look at. They’re an inheritance, a collection of ivory netsuke, but by the time the Banisher meets them, they are occupied with their own agendas. They’re only little creatures, but when the household sleeps, they take to the stairs, doing damage, killing mice and swarming the occasional pet. The neighbor’s tidied them away into a box, but the box can’t contain them, and when the Banisher opens it, the tissue they’re wrapped in is flecked with blood, and all of them bare their teeth at her.

The Banisher picks them up by their scruffs and drops them into a tin formerly used for cookies, now lined with a washcloth. The Banisher isn’t cruel.

“Where will you take them?” the neighbor asks, looking worried.

“Out,” the Banisher says. In her hand, the tin buzzes and clacks.

She asks the neighbor for her sandwich and then she puts the tin of awful things into her bicycle basket.

The Scavenger’s Nursery

came out at Shimmer Magazine in March.  It’s a story about a garbage monster plague, with a good deal of sympathy for the monsters. It’s also about environmental collapse, micro plastics, love and science. It’s going to be in Paula Guran’s Year’s Best Dark Fantasy & Horror this year. 4430 words. Read it here.

A heap of cell phone parts glimmers green as beetle shells. Children sort them. A goat minces its way through a thousand ghost voices, recorded messages crushed into oblivion, texts, naked photos, emails, and pleadings. The goat’s white-yellow fur is splashed with turquoise powder from a festival that’s now over. It nibbles at a bit of metal, faintly annoyed at the new thing rising from the heap of broken. Children crouch on their heels and watch as a newborn creature stands, twelve feet tall, flashing in the sun. It opens its mouth and screams, and all across the sky, satellites tremble.

Ivory Darts, Golden Arrows

came out at Uncanny Magazine in February. This is the lightest, most fun item I did this year, largely because it’s totally a Valentine’s Day lark I wrote in a couple of days. It’s full of Cupid, snail mating rituals, weird science, and crazy, crazy goofy fantasy. 3666 words. Read it here.

On the eastern mountain there was a colony of children who sent away for prizes, and she delivered them in sacks, heavy shipments of tiny monsters, X-ray glasses, and skipping ropes that could, when properly used, render the skipper capable of skipping time and space. Miss Kisseal worried a bit about those children. Occasionally one would disappear and months later come walking back into the village, skinny and covered in paint or dirt. They had no parents, and maybe never had, as certainly no one on the peaks was minded toward love, but they called for their mail nonetheless. They seemed to live on shipments of cereal.

Miss Kisseal put on her sensible boots, freezing even in her double woolens. She wished for a stagecoach, but there was none. There wasn’t even a donkey. Things were sliding in Fley. There’d been three avalanches, and her post office had a new roof of snow.

She tugged her coat over her shoulders. Her nose felt blue. February was meant to be solitary, and instead it was full of deliveries.

And the Winners Will Be Swept Out To Sea

came out in February from Lightspeed Magazine.  This one is a dark fantasy about water nymphs, other kinds of sea monsters, complicated and difficult love, and a festival involving sacrifice. It’s probably the most lyrical of this years bunch, and also probably the saddest, though it’s ultimately about the different ways love can save you. 5718 words. Read it here.

A few years ago, I lived for a while in a sushi restaurant, the dish in the fish, on my back in the tank, allowing algae to grow beneath me. Sometimes people looked at me funny, but mostly they didn’t notice. I’d talk to them occasionally, tell fortunes or lies. This is how I met you. You were the vegetarian at the sushi bar. You looked into my tank and said, “What the hell?”

“I’m fine,” I said.

You tried to mobilize the chef, all the waiters, but I was comfortable. I wasn’t planning on leaving. If someone selected me for dinner, I thought I’d be happy to be served, but a lot of customers thought I was poisonous, and even the ones who loved risk were too scared.

“You’re not fine. You’re getting out of that tank,” you said, and put your arms in up to the elbows, working your fingers in at my sides. “That’s what we know. That tank, among other things, isn’t big enough.”

“I’m fine,” I protested again. I had grown to the glass and my skin felt delicate, but you dislodged me, wrapped me in napkins, and took me home.


I tweeted a little flash fiction horror story on Halloween, and later put it up on my blog. It’s Catcher in the Rye + Werewolves, yo. It was basically just ridiculously fun to write, and so I put it here for your entertainment. 1395 words. Read it here.

If you want to know the short version, that’s how I ended up back in New York City, on a wolfing rampage. It was that kind of crazy night. New York was full of tourists and none of them knew we were coming for them around the Rock Center tree.

“Olden Caul,” said the girl when we paused midway through chewing up some guy from Florida. “That’s a certain kind of name.”

“Old family,” I told her. “Someone got on the lousy side of a wolf back before the Mayflower, and here we are.”

“I got bitten at the Bronx Zoo when I was six,” she said. “I climbed the fence and dropped into the enclosure.”

She wasn’t a bad sort of girl.

Taking Writing Risks, New Adult Novel Sold to FSG, and More!

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So in Publisher’s Weekly today there’s this small announcement.

Best-selling Magonia author, Maria Dahvana Headley’s THE MERE WIFE, a ferocious, sexy, and politically topical literary adaptation of Beowulf set in present-day New York, to Sean McDonald at FSG at auction by Stephanie Cabot at The Gernert Company (NA).

And then there is me shrieking with joy all over the universe. Because this is the book I wrote on the mountaintop in September. The one everyone who follows me on social media kept seeing wordcount updates about. The one that made me look like I had gone a little nuts? This is that book.

So, this is a story about the long game, and about the short game at once.

I thought of a part of this idea when I was at the MacDowell Colony in the woods 8 years ago. The first little chunk of it I wrote two years ago at my sister Molly Cathline’s house, when she had a newborn baby, Jasper, and he and I together wrote through the night. The rest, I wrote in Italy on Mt. Subasio in September. As in, like 80,000 words. Pell mell. Inspired by hunting hounds and fellow artists, late night conversations, a gorgeous black cat named Neroni, a waterfall with a pool for swimming…(See photo.)
This book is two gorgeous artists colonies and a newborn. Both extremes of writing life.
I didn’t know what would happen. I didn’t know if it would work. It is the weirdest, most rapturous, most fire-filled thing I’ve ever written. It’s about monsters and love and war and revolution and parenthood and fury and marriage and poverty and hunger and loss and being caught in the suburbs. I think this is the thing I’ve been working up to writing for 20 years. All this time Beowulf has been in my skull, rattling, wanting to be translated not as a literal translation but as a shapeshift.
I felt wild-eyed and joyful just for having managed to get that book out onto the page in the 3 weeks I had to do it. And amazing agent Stephanie went forth and sold it. There were lots of magnificent people & editors involved with that sale and auction and I’m not tagging them here, though they know they have every drop of my gratitude. The acknowledgment section on this book is going to be long, and I owe a lot of magnificent folks in the field long pours of champagne, and me praising them to the stars. I couldn’t be more grateful and more fortunate to have so many extraordinary people who believe in me and in my work.
The book ended up landing at Farrar, Straus & Giroux, which, in a rather beautiful turn of events, is the publisher my 8-year-old self first imprinted on . My mom bought me Madeleine L’Engle’s Wrinkle In Time trilogy (best birthday ever) and and I was OBSESSED with their weird grabbing of myth and lore from everywhere, combining of SF with Fantasy with Real Life – suffice it to say that they’re a huge part of what made me this kind of writer. I thoroughly remember the feeling of 1) There are living authors who are girls, WHAT?! and 2) Look at who published her! Look at those romantic sounding names! They sound like an imaginary kingdom! I want to meet that kingdom!
Precisely 30 years later? I’m part of that kingdom.
It’s not every day things turn out like this.
I want to say thank you to everyone who cheered me on, too – which is lots of you! You gave me this satisfaction. Which is epic. I can’t wait for this book to come out! Probably Spring 2017 – and in the meantime you can read the Magonia paperback which comes out from HarperCollins in June, and the Magonia Sequel which comes out Fall 2016, and no doubt countless other things. I’ve had a pretty glorious few years productivity wise, and I’m not slowing down.
Just to be clear: I’m going to keep writing YA books, AND adult books too. And short stories! And editing things! For me, it turns out that the best version is full speed in several directions at once. I used to think super intense focus was the only way to be a writer. I think now that focus on several dear to my soul projects is MY only way to be a writer. This has been an amazing few months. Magonia was listed on the Publisher’s Weekly Best Books of 2015 last week. Unnatural Creatures hit #1 on the NYT Bestseller list in September. I have 3 short stories up in different magazines right now, and all of it, every single one of these projects? Is exactly what I want to be doing. They are all strange birds. I am a strange bird myself.
If you’re reading this and you’re wondering how to move forward as an artist, the best advice I can offer is that you go as hard as you can in the direction of your first experience of creative joy. All of these projects are direct reflections of my first moments as a writer, translated through years of experience and work. Be as weird as you are. Push your own strange glee. Do the work you love. Do work for the people you love.
This is what living the dream as a writer looks like. It’s a complicated dream. I’ve been broke as I’ve ever been at points over the past 3 years, and dear friends have helped me out financially, emotionally, everything-ily. People paid my health insurance. People fed me dinner. People listened to me freak out over the wires, and if you think iIm immune to self-doubt, I’m not. It’s been a very intense period of my life, and it was a lot of reinventing. People picked me up off the floor and told me they loved me and that they knew working this hard was going to work. Magnificent editors of mine in other parts of my career, at HarperCollins, at many magazines that’ve published my short stories? They also told me I could do this, and were classy as anything about the fact that I was writing all over the place, in all kinds of styles. People on Twitter told me i could do this. People on Facebook told me I could do this. You gave me strength when I was scared and uncertain. Some of you are strangers and some of you have known me professionally, and some of you have known me since we were in 2nd grade together and had my face in a book and my mouth running off anyway, and man, i’m grateful to all of you.
I was at the brokest and most panicked when I I applied to this Italy colony, (Arte Studio Ginestrelle, in case you’re wondering, and you can apply too!) but I dug my heels in and decided to write something that was a leap.

The leap was worth it.


I tweeted a story on Halloween, and here it is in full, so that you can actually read it. It’s one port werewolf, one part Catcher in the Rye. It was, unsurprisingly, very damn fun to write. Sometimes i love trying on a voice that isn’t remotely mine.



If you want to know the truth, sometimes I think I was born with a silver bullet already lodged in my heart, that’s how lousy I feel.

I was going through a general terrible goddam year of all kinds of torment and failure, and my parents got some idea that Central Park and I were up to no good.

They sent me to psychoanalysis. I was lousy with secrets, but I didn’t tell Doctor Abari much more than that I felt sort of rotten as hell, and that it was all the fault of everyone in New York City. One day I was standing on the F train, and a guy came up to me and said Hey Buddy, and I said Hey, I’m not your buddy, and the guy punched me in the stomach.

Boy, without any warning, not to him, and not to myself either, I just sort of lurched up like a madman and inserted my teeth into his ear, which he didn’t like on any level, if you want to know the truth and so he punched me again, this time in the jaw.

I got up out of the subway and there it was, full moon, big and white and dangerous as a glass of milk with bourbon at the bottom.

I told Doctor Abari about the silver bullet feeling and he looked at me, steady as anything, and said “Olden, that’s a silver spoon you’re feeling,” which sort of offended me, given I’d be as happy living in a cold water walk up all by myself as I am in my bedroom on Fifth Avenue.

“It’s a silver spoon caught in your craw,” he said. “The only difference between you and most rich people, Olden, is that you swallowed the fork too.”

I went to the barber and got a haircut and a pretty close shave – my hair has recently grown six and a half inches – went down the street to get my shoes polished, then went to my father’s office. I’d gotten sent to the clink for three hours for public intoxication after I bit the guy, and I owed my dad bail money. I went to my grandma’s place, and she gave me the cash in tens, patted me on the cheek, and told me my hair looked nice. It was already getting long again. I tolerated tea, and then I was off to my dad’s firm, smelling of Shalimar.

Instead of taking the money, though, my dad told me “you’re going back to the Academy, Olden Caul. New York City’s no good for you, and you’re no good for your mother’s nerves.”

I instantly felt that lousy silver bullet feeling. I said goodbye to my kid sister Fee, who looked at me very much like she didn’t trust me to behave.

The train was packed full of college girls, and since I figured they were the last girls I’d ever see, chattering in their cardigans and crinoline skirts, drinking in the cocktail car, I watched them from the door. The bartender was a fucking phony who’d never let me in.

“Get along with you, boy,” he told me, and I said “I’m not a boy,” which caused him to pass me a Coke. I spit out the window, just before I took one of the girl’s gin and tonics and swallowed that instead.

“Get that monster out of here,” said the girl.

“What is his problem, anyway?” I heard the girls muttering as I left the cocktail car.


“Give it a rest!” one shouted back. “You’re a little baby in your school shoes.”

The conductor came and evicted me, but one of those girls looked out the café window and howled right at me, and that was a victory over something. She wasn’t good looking, all nose and eyebrows, but we sort of struck up a howl together before the train was gone.

Then I was there with my suitcase, the goddam moon overhead, looking down from its perch like a fat old baby. Anyway, it was December, and all, and it was freezing out. We could talk witch teats, but what it felt like was hell. Somebody’d stolen my coat, and my gloves were gone. Is it any wonder the pelt came over me?

I walked into the Academy at midnight already wolved out, even though I’d had every intention of putting on my uniform. If you want to know the truth, the place was full of phonies, but it was worse than that, because in my full moon fever, I saw a room full of ponies, and I went in looking for trouble.

I looked out over the rugby field some point in the night, and I saw that girl from the train, and she howled once, twice. She’d taken off her cardigan and folded it nicely, but she was still wearing her sweater clips. Otherwise, she was a pretty convincing wolf. I was full of blood, and so I went after her.

If you want to know the short version, that’s how I ended up back in New York City, on a wolfing rampage. It was that kind of crazy night. New York was full of tourists and none of them knew we were coming for them around the Rock Center tree.

“Olden Caul,” said the girl when we paused midway through chewing up some guy from Florida. “That’s a certain kind of name.”

“Old family,” I told her. “Someone got on the lousy side of a wolf back before the Mayflower, and here we are.”

“I got bitten at the Bronx Zoo when I was six,” she said. “I climbed the fence and dropped into the enclosure.”

She wasn’t a bad sort of girl.

We ran all the way through Central Park, having already taken out several fucking phonies who’d crossed our paths. She’d savaged a cocker, I’d eaten a retriever of pedigree.

“Olden,” she said, when we stopped at Rock Center. I have no wind. I don’t pretend I do. I’m a smoker, and so is she. She was back in her cardigan, chainsmoking. I’d been into the liquor store in wolf form begging like I was some kind of Saint Bernard. Now I had a stack of tiny bottles because some nice lady in there didn’t know anything about breeding.

“Yes,” I said.

“You want to go iceskating?”

I’d had a dream for a long time about a bunch of little kids playing, me at the bottom of the cliff, just catching them when they fell. It turned out she had it too. We weren’t planning to bite them or anything. We were just planning to keep them from hitting the ground. Same with the skaters. Things go wrong, though.

“You want to go live in the wilderness later tonight?” I asked her. “Or go out West?”

“I came from there already,” she said. “My parents are at 86th and Amsterdam. Everybody here is a werewolf, Olden Caul. They just pretend they’re not.”

She was taking off her cardigan, this girl, this girl in the garnet sweaterclips, and I followed her onto the ice, both of us skating, both of us wolves.

A little kid was in front of me, teetering on his blades, and I came up behind, yelling, in my wolf voice, “Don’t worry, kid, I’ll catch you.”

The little kid turned around, and there was my sister Fee Caul, not in wolf form, but feral all the same. Fee was ready. Fee was prepared.

“Oh, Olden,” she said, and pointed the family pistol with the tranquilizers.

If you want to know the truth, I didn’t even feel it. I’d been lousy so long, it was a relief to be unpelted, and left in the middle of the rink, my sister loading me onto a sled and dragging me up Fifth Avenue in the middle of a sudden snow.

The girl, I don’t know, last I saw she was being taken by animal control, but when I think about her, I miss her.

The best wolves are the ones who never let phoniness overtake them, the ones who act like normal dogs, but keep their teeth sharp. That’s what Fee says.

She also says, “don’t ever tell anybody you’re a werewolf, Olden. You’ll just end up biting them.”


YES, NO, MAYBE SO: OR, Congratulations, Your Book Is Coming Out Again, But Written By Someone Else!

A little story about strangely full circle writing careers and saying yes for you.

In the summer of 2004, I was 27 years old, and at the Breadloaf Writer’s conference, where I was boring an editor to tears by talking about my short story collection. No editor wants to hear those words, particularly not out of the mouth of a mostly-unpublished writer. In some desperation, I decided that maybe I could save the meeting by making him laugh, and so I started to tell stories about my “Year of Yes,” a year in which I’d accepted every invitation to go on a date – or random experience, as it turned out – in New York City. I did a lot of things that year, including swimming at Coney Island in February with a subway conductor, because hey, NYC. It was, in fact, how I met my then-husband. The editor perked up, and said, “I’d buy that. That sounds like a book.”

A few months later, I had an agent at William Morris, and I’d sold The Year of Yes at auction, not to that original editor, but to Hyperion. It was my first book, and I wrote it in a wild-eyed few months. Tons of my experiences from that year, mostly done in a comedic way, and discussion of how saying yes to all of this changed my life utterly.


It came out to a lot of fanfare in January 2006. (It typically takes a year or thereabouts from sale of a book to the book hitting the shelves.)The day it came out, I went on The Today Show and got interviewed by Katie Couric. I did lots of other national TV too (Remember Keith Olbermann? I did his show on MSNBC), as well as tours, international appearances (I appeared on Australian TV against a green screen, while wearing a green sweater, and I sincerely hope that there’s no video of the brief floating head crisis that ensued), newspaper articles, radio…in short, the giant, easy publicity publicists dream of. Everywhere I went, I talked about saying yes for a year to every invitation. Everywhere I went, I said The Year of Yes, over and over, so many times that I got sick of myself, and felt like I was a strange string-pull story doll, telling this one-year 5 question version of my life. That’s one of the things that is weird about publishing a book about yourself. Another one is that people feel compelled to review YOU, rather than the book. The whole thing was a swift education in how people felt about young women saying yes instead of no, as well as in the many ways in which people could mis-hear a title. The Year of Ass, anyone? Er, no.

It’s nearly 10 years later, and I still hear from people who read it, saw me on TV or read about my book, started doing their own yes years and even fell in love, married and had babies with people they’d never have dated before reading THE YEAR OF YES. It had a pretty great cultural impact, and it continues to, at least if my inbox is any indication. Lots of people remember it. I’ve done tons of other things, and even now, that’s the one the most people know about.

Since that first book, I’ve written in other genres. QUEEN OF KINGS, a novel about Cleopatra, monsters and gods, the short novel THE END OF THE SENTENCE, co-written with Kat Howard, and just last month, I published MAGONIA, a young adult novel, with Harper Collins. I’ve been a working writer in the book world, at this point, for 11 years, and in the world of theater, which is where I started, since I was 17. So, this is my 20th year in this strange profession, that of the writer in many forms and genres. So far, I’ve written and published poetry, erotica, plays, nonfiction, literary fiction, science-fiction, horror, fantasy, YA, and co-edited Unnatural Creatures, a book of YA monster stories benefitting 826DC, with Neil Gaiman. That hit the NYT list. I’ve been very lucky, because unlike a lot of writers, I’ve had the kind of career wherein nearly all of the things I’ve done have been seen by lots of people, beginning with that first book, The Year of Yes. All kinds of things have happened over the years. Award nominations and bestseller lists, crazy interviews, beautiful letters from people who’ve read the things I’ve written. Life is pretty good.

But all this time The Year of Yes has been rolling along in Hollywood, unlikely as that is.

Upon publication, my agents immediately optioned the book to the then-partnership of Jinks/Cohen at Paramount, for a film, and they met with every actress you can think of. This was ten years ago, though, and it was a different time for female leads in big Hollywood films. The past ten years have changed not-everything, but a lot in this regard, both in TV and in film. The model for sexy female-driven TV back then was Sex & The City, and this wasn’t that. So, there was a lot of confusion.

The reality of Hollywood and the book world is that lots of books get optioned, and few things get made. Any writer who’s been writing a while knows this. Still, though, the book was shopped all over Hollywood, everywhere, and deals were announced in Variety, as well as across the internet. In 2008 or so, after a couple years of option and development, we shopped and optioned the book again, this time to Barry Josephson at 20th Century Fox for TV, and there was another round of development and dealmaking. The book has never died in Hollywood, which is unusual, and kind of great. People kept calling my agents up. A couple of years ago, another round yielded a TV option at the WB, which died in the dissolution of a producing partnership. So, we optioned it again last year, this time to NBC. All this time, things have been getting easier for female protagonists on TV, and at last, it seemed as though maybe we could get it going.

Fast forward to yesterday, June 2nd. Lo, suddenly, I got a lot of excited emails and tweets and Facebook messages. People congratulating me on AT LAST, The Year of Yes being adapted for TV. By a really famous person, no less!


Except, oh, careful readers, the articles these emails referenced weren’t talking about my book, nor even about a TV show. They were talking about the announcements, all over the news, of someone famous from the TV world, Shonda Rhimes, creator and showrunner of Grey’s Anatomy, and her book deal at Simon & Schuster, for…


 HER memoir about a year in which she accepted every invitation offered her.

So, yeah, I kinda wrote that book already. It was no wonder lots of people assumed she’d optioned my book and decided to make a show about it. That’s something that had happened before, after all.

Of course Shonda Rimes can write anything she wants to about her life. She needs no permission from me, nor from anyone. I have a few questions as to the decision-making process on the part of her publisher that resulted in her book having both the same title AND nearly the same concept, but that said, I can’t fault the logic of the product! It was, after all, a successful book the first time around. Why not do it again, this time with a famous person at the center, rather than an unknown writer?

So, when I watch Shonda Rhime’s version of Year of Yes become a giant bestseller, (and I suspect eventually a really successful TV series,) I’ll be like, yeah, I know. It’s commercially viable, that title combined with that idea. I should know! I had it eleven years ago.

Since it’s come up, I’ll bring it up too. YES MAN, by Danny Wallace. Yeah, that book exists as well, and no, I didn’t steal my idea from it. Yes Man came out in July, 2005, and was later made into a film starring Jim Carrey. My Year of Yes, which I sold in 2004, came out in January 2006, but Wallace and I sold the books to our publishers around the same time and the events depicted in mine took place in ’98-99. Funny man, funny book, and clearly we’ve got things in common world-view wise, but I didn’t know anything about him when I sold my book, and I’m sure he knew nothing about me either. We were just zeitgeistily yessing. Zeitgeistily? Is that a word?

Wallace was on tour in America about the same time I was, and everywhere I went, people told me that a)he was lovely and b) the room might explode (hopefully in a good way) if we were in it at the same time.

There’s a difference between the 2006 Zeitgeist version and that one, of course, and it is that we’re now years later, with the whole internet at our beck and call. Any quick Google search for the title Year of Yes since 2006 would reveal that there’s already been a successful book with that title, and indeed, that it is very similar to Rhimes’ version. That same search would reveal Yes Man too, I imagine, and also reveal that it too is very similar. Any publisher who didn’t do that search would be…weird. Check it out this morning, for example:

Screenshot 2015-06-03 17.09.39

But the world is weird.

I saw Danny Wallace’s very amusing response on Twitter this morning, a poster for his next major project, him starring in SCANDALOUS, from the writer of Yes Man & Green’s Anatomy.

As for me, I tweeted that my next book would be called Grey’s Anatomy and it’d be set in an NYC hospital wherein the surgeons stole patient’s organs. TOTALLY DIFFERENT from the existing version.

Er, actually, that’d be a pretty good book. Maybe I’ll write the horror version.

PS: There’s actually a third book with this title, a self-published situation from 2014 called The Year of Yes! (Exclamation point is intended.) It has a semi-naked woman on the cover, and she looks happy. The subtitle is What if you said YES! to everything your Soul told you to do for one year? Some explicit things, apparently. Yet another genre!



It’s the 28th of April, and Magonia is out in the world! I’ve been waiting so long to share this book with you, and man, I’m very excited. I’m currently about to get on a plane on the way to Chicago for the first event of the Epic Reads Spring Tour, with Katie Cotugno (99 Days) and Susane Colasanti (City Love). Event schedule here: We’ll be in Chicago, Oakland, Vegas, and Nashville over the next week, and then on the 6th of May, 6:30pm I’ll be at McNally Jackson in NYC with Nova Ren Suma (The Walls Around Us) and Camille DeAngelis (Bones & All) talking about weird fiction, ghosts, cannibals, ballerinas, and skyships. I’m ridiculously excited for all of it, and especially to meet some of the people who’ve been reading Magonia already, and sending me their wild eyes and giddiness. I mean…HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THIS LIFE? Pretty beautiful!

Feast your eyes on this beauty too – it’s the official trailer. EEEE!

Magonia’s full of powerful women, both on earth and in the sky, because hello! I want a world in which women get credit for their accomplishments. I want a world in which women and girls are treated equally, are safe, and are respected. This shouldn’t be too much to ask, because it’s basic, but every day on Earth, massively biased things happen to women. It fills me with rage, and it also fills me with even more appreciation for the courage, skills, and ferocity of women in the face of a world that often treats us like we’re nothing.

In Magonia, women are captains of ships, pirates, fighters, commanders of fleets, and fierce sailors and singers. On Earth, the women are pretty hard core as well. Aza Ray, the main character, is a bright brain in a failing body, and she’s been fighting for her life her whole life, while simultaneously consuming the world in all its complexity and glory. Her mom is a respected immunologist. Jason, the other main character, has two badass moms, one who’s a doctor, and one who is a botanist.

Why? Because my life is full of women like that.

We are so much more than nothing. We – each of us – are changing the world daily.

When my agent Stephanie Cabot (who regularly goes on massive international walking expeditions, has a dairy farm in NH, and simultaneously sells books across all genres), sent my amazing editor Kristen Pettit (who just won an award for her gun control activism while being a mom of two and an Executive Editor of bestsellers) this book, we’d already taken a few leaps of faith. This is my first YA book, and it’s a crazy, wild ride, but both these women believed in it. And then…more did.

So…when I went into my first meeting at my new publisher’s office, there were about 40 loudmouth women in the room, Kristen & me, along with HarperChildrens’ President and Publisher, Susan Katz; Associate Publisher & Editor-in-Chief Kate Morgan Jackson, and Editorial Director Jennifer Klonsky. This ship had a bunch of Captains. We all worked together. Everyone was miraculously onboard, and we sailed forth into the world of Magonia.

In that meeting, we talked about everything I’m talking about today, and we raised our fists in the air to the good fortune of being on such a great voyage together.

So, today, lifelong loudmouth that I am, and lifelong appreciator of the achievements of the many astonishing women I know – and the ones I don’t, I want to have a public celebration of the women and girls in your lives who are captains of their own ships. Join me!

#SheIsTheCaptain is the hashtag, and today I’ll be tweeting (from my account @MariaDahvana) some of the accomplishments, achievements, and glories of the women I know, alongside those of the women in history and in the world to whom I raise my champagne glass on the regular. I wouldn’t be here, writing these books, selling imaginary countries, without the many blazing imaginations I’ve been privileged to encounter.*

I know there are women and girls you’d like to salute. We are the captains of our ships and lives, and all the women I know have rocked the world in so many ways. Was your grandma amazing? Is your best friend? How about your daughter? How about that one girl you knew in 9th grade who was fearless and inspired you to raise your hand when you knew the answer, instead of waiting for someone else to do it first?  Tell us about them. Tell us about about the women scientists and writers and activists who inspire you, about everyone from Amelia Earhart to Aphra Behn, from Toni Morrison to Angela Carter to LaVerne Cox, to your great aunt the saxophonist, to your doctor, to your baker. Anyone. (And anyone is welcome to join in – you don’t have to be a girl or woman to do so.)

Let’s give it up for everyone from the rockstars to the acapella singers, the glittering to the invisible, the glorious to the notorious.  Let’s give it up today for the women and girls who are the captains of our ships. #SheIsTheCaptain



(Thank you for listening! Thank you for reading Magonia! Thank you for letting me be a person who publishes stories! It’s a privilege to get to do this for a living!)


*Note. As always here, women & girls means everyone who identifies as a woman, or as a girl. I do know that not all people who identify as women use the “she” pronoun. I don’t mean at all to be exclusionary. This has to do with the gnarliness of a hashtag orphaned from its context. I’m about to get on a book tour plane, so I fear that happening without me being able to weigh in. So, I promise, I mean no exclusion. Come join! Tweet about the women in your life who are non-binary. You’re welcome here! I just couldn’t figure out a better wording for the hashtag in the 140 character medium.  I want you to join in. Please do!